How to sit at a milonga

One night in November, at a milonga in a town called Terni, I was taking a break from the dancing and having a chat with my friends Helaine and Nando. All’improvviso (suddenly), Nando looked and me and said, “Tina - sai che cosa mi piace di te? Da tutte le donne nelle milonghe qui, tu sei l’unica donna che sa sedersi. Mostri le tue gambe perfettamente, e così gli uomini vogliono invitarti a ballare.” (”Tina - you know what I like about you? Of all the women in the milongas here, you’re the only one who knows how to sit. You display your legs perfectly, and therefore men want to invite you to dance.”) He went on to tell me that I should teach a workshop on how to sit beautifully at a milonga. Yeah right.  I’ve never considered myself “the one who displays her legs perfectly”, though I do tend to pay attention to how I’m sitting.

It’s not something most women think about when they go to a milonga. They’re concerned with the dancing, and forget that the way you sit - from your posture to the expression on your face to way you sit and place your legs - could affect the frequency of your being invited to dance - in my opinion. It’s something I’ve noticed with women everywhere. They slouch, sit with their legs open, and talk to each other - a lot. Perhaps too much. Then they complain that they didn’t dance much.

First of all, if all of your energy is concentrated on your friend and you’re facing her and engaged in conversation, what about this says that you wish to be invited to dance? Second of all, if you’re slouching and your legs are lifeless, it’s important to consider that to those who can see you, you look tired. Like you don’t want to dance.

When we dance tango, our legs are full of life and energy - even if we’re just pausing. Don’t you think we should apply that same energy to sitting? I think so. So, I decided to take a few pictures of my legs, in various positions. Positions that I’ve seen at milongas, as well as the position I usually put my legs in. Now you may agree or disagree with me, but I have received compliments from others in the way I place my legs, and women have actually asked me how to do it. Please enjoy - and pardon the bruise on my shin.
How NOT to sit, if you wish to be invited:

This position looks like you’re waiting for someone to score a touchdown in the Superbowl. I’ll be frank: It’s not feminine and it’s not flattering.

This one says, “I’m bored/I’m exhausted/I don’t feel good about my body/I spilled wine on my blouse and this is the only way to cover it up/I don’t want to be asked to dance/I feel ill.”

This one is telling us, “I’m impatient/I’m sick of this place/I feel ill/I don’t think I’m as good as the other dancers.”

This position is communicating, “Boy was that a big meal. I don’t know if I’m physically comfortable enough to dance.”

So Tina, you’re asking, how DO you sit at a milonga? Well darlings, it’s all about the legs. And the posture. Sit up straight, have life in your face, be interested in the fact that you are at a milonga. If you want to chat with your friends - wonderful! Just remember where your energy is at all times. Now…. to the legs. My personal preference has always been to keep my foot pointed instead of flexed. This elongates the leg in a really nice way. The other piece of advice I have is to think loooooooooong. Think Jessica Rabbit legs. Doesn’t matter if you’re petite - think long, just the same.

Here’s the way I sit:

This is one of my favorite ways to cross my legs. Notice how they remain close together, unlike the crossed-legged photos above. It’s slinky, it’s elegant, it’s long. It says, “Well, this is an interesting place. Hmmmm…”

This is how I sit when I’m channelling my inner Sophia Loren. This, combined with eye-contact, has gotten me dances very easily. I usually am sitting up straight too - remember to sit up straight! Posture posture posture, girls!

This is a nice way to sit when I want to lean over to say something to a friend. My energy is still alert to the world around me, but I’m able to lean over toward her to hear what she might be saying. When my friends at milongas talk to me, I listen, but if I wish to be invited to dance, I tend to keep facing the dance floor a little bit.

If I’m tired of crossing my legs, I simply do this. Not my favorite, but at least the legs are still alive.

Really though, the best advice I can give is to sit in front of the mirror and play with different sitting positions. Do what makes YOU feel confident, sensual, elegant, ready to be invited for a dance. Keep being yourself - just be aware that body language is indeed very powerful. Now go get ‘em, tigress!