Reflections

To be honest, at first I was really unsure of how I felt about coming back here, to Italy.  On the flight over, I had the sensation of going back to an ex-boyfriend.  Would he take me back?  Would he still love me?  Would the relationship pick up where it left off?  Would we have to hash through some issues before moving on?

My year has been crazy.  My last few months in Buenos Aires were hysterical and intense, for reasons I may never express here on this blog.  Pulling myself out of there was both liberating and traumatic.  I arrived in Seattle naked, unsure of who I was anymore.  When I obtained my Italian passport soon after (finally!), I knew I was supposed to be excited, and I was, just not as excited as I would have been a few years prior.  I spent the next six months clawing my way out of a well of sadness and confusion, and with the help of my dear friends and family in Seattle, especially the tango community, I got out and became Tina again.  What I must have looked like to everybody when I returned to Seattle, I can only imagine.

Just as I got comfortable in my Seattle surroundings, October 5 arrived.  The day I was to leave for Italy.  I took a deep breath and got on the plane.  I spent the flight reading a friend’s manuscript (an honor if I say so myself).  I sat in Frankfurt airport, waiting for my flight to Rome, feeling nervous for my reunion with this ancient land.  I hoped so much that it would embrace me again.  I didn’t know what to expect.

I landed.  Rome took me to her bosom and squeezed me really hard.  It was like we had never said goodbye in the first place.  Rome is like a best friend – we can go years without seeing each other but once we’re together, you’d think we’d never spent a day apart.  I got to Perugia a day later, and Perugia caressed my cheeks softly and welcomed me home.  It took a couple of weeks to get relaxed and decide whether I was glad to be back or not.  I am glad.  With every drop of green, peppery olive oil that hits my tongue and tickles my throat, I am gladder and gladder.

I still feel so much nostalgia for Buenos Aires, but I know if I were to go back right now, it would be a bad idea.  I’d never leave.  It’s like an abusive relationship.  Buenos Aires is capable of striking me to the ground, only to pick me up and hold me and kiss away my tears and whisper sweet nothings to me, and I believe every word, every time.  Buenos Aires is truly the most magnificent city in the world, but I can’t go back unless I go with someone else.  I have realized this much lately.

Meanwhile, with Perugia I have found a very healthy companionship.  A sweetness that stays sweet.  The air is fresh and light, and I myself am becoming more fresh and light with every breath.  The food is clean.  The rest of my Buenos Aires weight simply fell off when I arrived.  I’m healthy.  My skin is aglow.  I think it was a good idea to come here.