tina’s world - a tanguera between 2 lands…

As the taxi got off the freeway and drove through Boedo, I had that strange excited feeling that I get when I’m in Italy.  Buenos Aires had Italy energy today.

It was very nice and a relief to unpack my things, arrange my tango shoes on my shelves, and just chill.   It felt good to come back home.

After chatting with Miss Tango today, I decided to take a walk, opting to walk on Yrigoyen so I could pass the Congreso Nacional.  In just two weeks, the vibe of the city has changed - fall is in the air.  I didn’t need a jacket, it was still relatively warm, but there was that slight change… no more summer clothes, a few brown falling leaves here and there, and that “autumn” smell.

As I listened to people talking to each other in Castellano as they passed by me, I relaxed and became more content.  In just three months, this city has become so familiar to me, and having two weeks up north without that beautiful porteño accented Spanish surrounding me was like being a fish out of water.

Everything felt different on my walk.  I felt as though Buenos Aires was truly welcoming me back.

I am so happy and grateful to be in my Buenos Aires. 

Back in the loving arms of my Buenos Aires…

…is like being away from a lover.  I just miss it sooooo much.

Will be back in BsAs in 5 days…

I grew an ass.

And with that came attitude.

I didn’t notice it before but I think the past month in Buenos Aires has really been a personal growth month for me. Both in terms of my derrière and in the way I feel about myself and present myself.

In North American culture the goal seems to be to have no ass, or any curves at all for that matter. My loved ones up here seem surprised at how excited and proud I am to have something back there to sway when I walk or dance. I guess it has something to do with living in Latin America where the woman’s body is celebrated in a different way than up north. I find myself excited to shop for new additions to my wardrobe that will show off an hourglass figure. Basta with these clothes that “slim” us down, making us look more masculine and less natural. I feel more Sophia Loren than ever.

With the new culo came a boldness to the way I walk, the way I present myself. I walked into the internet cafe in Seattle today with my new Buenos Aires strut, and loud high-heeled boots that click-clacked on the floor as I made my way to my table. It is so quiet in here but I think I’m doing everything so loudly and with such spice, from the way I settle into my chair to the way I set my cup of coffee down on the table. I’m not doing anything halfway. World, I am here!

Everyone else in the room is just quiet. Staring at their computer screens, trying not to look at me. I feel a little odd not hearing anyone hiss, “che, hermosa!”… though it’s also kind of nice to be left alone. I’m probably a bit much for these reserved people. But, so be it.

I’m missing my Buenos Aires already.  I know I’ve only been there a short time but I feel like it’s my home now.  It has been blissful so far to see the people I love in Seattle, and at the same time this trip has served to make me realize just how a part of BsAs I feel now. It has me doing some interior juggling about what to do with my plans in the near future.  Ah, I’ll just chill out for now…

For about a month after my lesson with Javier, I was feeling slightly rebellious against what he had taught me about my embrace.  Later I realized that I have been enjoying Tango more than ever, and it’s because I’ve been unconsciously doing everything that he told me.  Ha!  That guy’s good.

I have attended two milongas in Seattle so far.  At both, I consciously applied his philosophy to the way I embraced the tangueros of Seattle, which was to embrace the person - embrace who the person is.  Really HUG them.  With love.  Real love.  Just completely surrender and give myself, my heart to them, no questions asked.  I haven’t always done that… I’ve chased the ghost but sometimes have forgotten to simply love the person in my arms.  Truly love them.

I wasn’t sure what the reaction would be - I didn’t know if the guys here would be able to handle this chica coming up from South America and throwing her arms around them with complete surrender.  But you know what?  It worked out beautifully!  Each time, I felt the embrace and the warmth returned to me, equally.  I really, truly felt, with each dance, that I was sharing something special with the man in my arms.

Last year when I returned to Seattle from Buenos Aires I was kind of bummed out about the tango up north.  The warmth of the embrace just wasn’t there.  I’ve read numerous accounts of women going back to their hometowns from Buenos Aires and not quite feeling the same about tango.  I totally understand them - it’s not the same anywhere as it is in Buenos Aires.  That’s just not possible.  But one thing I hear - and something  I myself have said in the past -is that the embrace is colder outside of Buenos Aires.  But if that’s the case, then why has the embrace been so warm for me these past couple of days?

Do you suppose that we, upon returning from BsAs, are partly responsible and could stand to give more warmth to the guys up north, thus enabling them to open themselves up to us?  Because that’s what I think has happened with me.   For the first time on Seattle soil, I have just abandoned all expectations, all hesitation, all of my “oh I’m not in Buenos Aires so it’s going to suck” feelings, and really focused on the human being I was dancing with.

I said to myself, “Right now I’m dancing with XYZ.  I’m going to embrace him and all that I love about him.  I’m going to embrace our friendship as we dance, and think about all of the things we have shared these past few years.  I’m going to dance the love that I feel for him as a friend.  I’m going to hug him good.”

I hugged the heck out of him and he gave right back.  100%.  In a way that I have never experienced with him before.

And it happened this way with each man.  And each time I really focused on who the person was, what we had shared, how much I loved him in that moment right there.  And of course, because this is me, each time I made sure to give a little bit of my Buenos Aires to the embrace as well - there has been so much beauty (and ugliness) and magic in my life in Argentina and I hope I was able to share that with each man I danced with.  And they were all open to it.

I wonder what that’s about?  Did I just get lucky? Or do you think perhaps that we could stand to give ourselves just a little bit more?  Not always easy to do in this culture is it?

When I was first beginning five years ago, my friend Lachlan said, “Tina, tango is basically a big hug.”  So, upon hearing that, I gave him a big bear hug right there on the dance floor, and from that moment, our dance worked like magic.

Embrace = Hug

So far, I have noticed:

• The air is really clean, and sort of sweet
• There are a lot of tall people
• The tango community in Seattle has some really nice embraces! What a joy it was to dance yesterday!
• Coffee is really good, and there are so many varieties you can buy and none of them have sugar added
• It is really expensive here.  Really.  Expensive.
• The magazines don’t feature overly enhanced culos, instead they feature photoshopped toothpicks
• While Argentines have their meat, Seattle has it’s fish, and lots of it.
• The supermarkets are huge!

I’m glad to be here… and will also be glad to be back in Buenos Aires entre poco…

After three straight months of dancing with milongueros, I have developed sort of a hatred for leg wraps, ganchos and volcadas.

update: (okay, If they’re reeeeeallllly really well led and we’re somewhere non-traditional like Catedral, it’s ok.)

People who say it cannot be done, should not interrupt those who are doing it.

-George Bernard Shaw